She beat herself up for years about being too shy/quiet/anxious to go out to a bar with her friends. After asking some questions, it was discovered that she doesn’t even drink, can’t stand loud music, or anything to do with the bar environment (especially when she was in her 20s). The whole time she was beating herself up about something she thought she was “supposed” to feel like doing! When we made this realization, all of her negative thoughts went away immediately. This story is of my former coaching client.
Can you relate to this in social, professional and community situations?
It all comes down to it being about what you actually want, not what you think you’re supposed to want, based on a norm, driven by culture, media and reality shows!
How can you change your perspective of what people think of the “quiet” you? Try these out:
• “They are too caught up in conversation to notice or make judgments about me.”
• “Not everyone expects me to be outgoing and try to talk over others.”
• “People LOVE to be heard! And to be asked questions about themselves. By listening to them, I’m fulfilling their need, it’s not rude or strange to be quiet.”
• “What’s the worst that could happen if someone mistakes my being quiet as something negative?”
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Ask yourself this question in multiple situations:
“What’s the worst, best, and most likely-case scenario of what people will think of me if I’m quiet?”
Quiet does not equal weak.
Quiet does not mean low self-confidence.
Quiet does not equal inferiority.
What are the strengths of being quiet?
If you’re the quiet person in the room and decide to speak up about something, people will tend to sit back and listen. This is because they’re not used to hearing you talk. They see it as something that must be important for a reserved person to say something about. They’ll value your opinion more than the excessively talkative people.
Quiet people choose their words wisely.
When people are constantly chattering and wanting to be center of attention, they aren’t really thinking through what they’re going to say.
Quiet people watch what they say.
They are reflective people. They don’t want to speak and say useless words in a world that is already so inundated with noise. They want to add meaning to the world.
The smartest people are the ones who are quietly listening and absorbing everything that is being said around them. These people have the most knowledge because they’re processing words instead of speaking them.
When you listen, you become a better decision-maker.
Final questions to think about:
- Do you want to compete with the most talkative ones in the room? Do you actually want to be the center of attention? Is your answer “YES” and only fear is getting in your way?
- Would you rather be having a one-on-one conversation or with a smaller group, because it is more meaningful to you and your preference for this type of interaction? Opposed to thinking that you should be this way and something is wrong with you for being quiet?
What is it that you want rather than what you’re “supposed to” want?
Looking for clarity around this? To change your core beliefs that no longer serve you? Contact me Marla@SociallysSpeakingPlus.com or
Schedule a complimentary call easily here: https://calendly.com/marlagenova
